i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
