i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
