I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
