you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
