Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
