i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
