At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
