TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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