You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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