I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
