What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
