Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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