You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
