I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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