my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
