Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
