im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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