If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
