I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
