and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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