I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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