Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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