last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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