You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
