I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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