bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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