You made me cry and you don't even care
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
