Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
