It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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