Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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