she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
