you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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