see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
