The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
