He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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