i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
