he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
