i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
