I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
