I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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