His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
