Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
