So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You pole danced in your parka.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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