so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
