So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
