Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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