Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
