that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
