Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
