Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Is it because I queefed?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
