well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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