Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
