No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
